“Norwegian Wood” by Haruki Murakami

Lately, through reading Norwegian Wood, I have been noticing a lot of differences between men and women and how they see the world, how they process things. For a while I kind of just categorized men as something I will never be able to understand and left it at that. But I don’t think that’s true. I think there are certain ways to go about things, processing thoughts, falling in love, avoiding pain. And men just happen to do them in ways I can barely understand (yet). I think I don’t understand them not because I’m a woman, but because I think differently. Not necessarily femininely, but maybe more sensitively and introspectively. Not that any of it can even be categorized. I am simply trying to describe it. Our gender is just an extension of a distinctiveness that is bound by the vastness of the human experience. No two men are identical the same way no two women are. Because we all go through different things with different feelings and different perspectives, as men and women alike.

If I really think about it I don’t think I have fully understood anybody, not even myself. [redacted] said it first - you can’t fully understand anyone - but I don’t think I believed her at the time. I like to prize myself on my observance and deep thought occasionally but that doesn’t mean people are easily understandable or “simple”. Everyone has their own layers and reasons and depth. Just like how I have mine. I think I just happen to relate to women easier because of the way we are molded in this time and age, with expectations and ideals and all. But I relate to Haruki Murakami/Toru Watanabe too. Maybe not as a woman or a man but just as a person who was once in love. Things look different when you love somebody, especially someone who doesn’t love you back. It’s a tragic, beautiful thing. 

But things also look different when you love somebody who loves you back. I think [redacted] described it well, it's like a “steady happiness.” But love is portrayed in so many different ways in the media and by other people that it probably can’t be defined by one person in one way for everybody anyway. My friends used to tell me falling in love felt like a tsunami, it hits them all at once and they realize it in a certain moment. “This is what it feels like to be in love.” But I remember telling them that for me, falling in love rather felt like befriending a stray cat. How you’d feed her every day for months and eventually let her in to one day realize that it’s now your cat. And you’ve named her and given her a bed and started to cuddle her all within those few months that you’ve met her, and she’s been your cat for a while. You just didn’t realize it until that point. “She is my cat and I love her, I have loved her for a long time.”

Speaking of love it also reminds me that I think women like to use a lot of metaphors when it comes to describing their feelings. At least I think I do that, because in some way it feels easier to communicate and also more romantic than just saying things for what they are. But sometimes the other person can’t really understand what the metaphors mean which ends up frustrating the woman (me) and leaves them with a sense of isolation. “Why can’t anyone understand the way I think?” But that’s probably unfair. I can’t expect others to understand what I say when I can barely understand what I mean, or want to say. I don’t know what Naoko meant by the field well. Maybe she just means an unexpected spiral into sadness, like drug addiction or loneliness or loss that nobody can prepare for. Perhaps I am misunderstanding her. I should probably reread that part, maybe I’m lacking context. Or maybe her way of not being clear with her intent with Toru is her way of keeping distance between her and vulnerability. I have learnt that everyone does this slightly differently - shielding their hearts from hurt by not allowing themselves to be open. Ideally this wouldn’t happen and we’d all be earnest, but would we even be human if we weren’t at least a little bit afraid?

I have distinguished that every person wants to feel important to somebody in some way. Fame, love, honor. Every person has a desire, a craving for importance and love. But every person also has a fear, a grieving for a loss. That is a new concept I want to explore. Maybe Naoko’s fear is that she will never be understood by anyone no matter how hard she tries to explain herself, and maybe Toru’s fear is that he will never be loved the way he feels he needs to be. But that’s just the general impression I get because I am not even a tenth into finishing the book. What do I even know about them anyway? I only know of Toru what he chooses to share with me and what I know of Naoko is what I know through Toru. This observation reminds me of 500 Days of Summer. Perspective is everything.

I read on the back of Normal People by Sally Rooney that a good book helps you develop a new worldview, something like that. It was one of those reviews that important people give to books to make them seem more marketable, but a part of it resonated with me. I start to see things differently when I read a really good book, to learn new things about myself and others. I think this book is helping me understand the other ways people go about things, how Toru and maybe other men feel about women they once loved, how Naoko and maybe other women feel about being misunderstood. Maybe good literature is about bringing people together, not forcing them to understand. Because, like [redacted], I don’t think anyone will ever be able to fully understand. I don’t know if anyone would even want to. That’s probably why Murakami wrote this book in the first place. He can’t understand but he doesn’t want to forget. Maybe things mean more to people when they can’t understand them.