A Tutorial

How to deal with not getting what you want in life:

In my limited perception of the world I have noticed one thing: as humans we have virtually no control over our lives and destiny (if one decides to believe in it) and we have blown ourselves out of proportion in order to make ourselves believe that we do. We have created community, art, religion, ideologies, and faith in order to convince ourselves of a higher purpose, a reason for all this madness. Which, as reluctant as I am to admit, holds a direct correlation to our ripostes of not getting what we want (in life).

Let’s define the parameters in which how we define control over what exactly happens in said life:

There are plenty of theories that have to do with human desire. There is hedonism, the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, there is the Focusing Illusion, where the grass is always greener on the other side, and there is Natural Law. That one is self explanatory: we eat, we drink, we breathe, we have children, and we die. That’s really all there is to it. The rest of the afterlife cannot be proven (not that what currently exists cannot be disproven, but that is a separate notion), so what’s the use in going to war with ourselves and each other for not being able to know? I guess at least in that way we can find out sooner or later.

Anyway, if I think about it I have never really had all that I’ve wanted in life. I have come close, of course, as most people. But I also haven’t wanted many things. 

The closest case I can think of is probably when I was in love. I used to spend a lot of time wanting to drift someplace far away. Back then I spent a lot of my time being upset, when people entered my life and ruined things for the better. I chased love and I chased my feelings harder, yet I was never really able to attain what I wanted.  Not fully, anyway, which is why I’m an angry blog writer doing useless things in my free time. Like telling people how to deal with not getting what they want in life(, as if I have any idea myself).

Had I known I was going to fall in love, I probably wouldn't have opened myself to the experience quite like the way I did. Yet it changed me fundamentally, and I am eternally grateful for how intensely it winded me. Nothing will ever catch me off guard in such a way ever again. 

Of course generally I derive joy from other, non-sadistic, normal pleasures like good food and good company, but ultimately that all leads back to wanting something else, something more. Something not attainable, not really. Eventually after a period of happiness I face not really being satisfied with the things I am capable of and the limitations that face me. And as I grapple with myself and the looming responsibilities of adulthood and the implications of a lack of jurisdiction, I realize something. (Something kind of obvious.)

The answer lies in waiting for something to happen. 

Naturally, this isn’t really a choice, as things happen at random and tend to surprise us when they do. I guess I could call it hope, but hoping implies that the expectation of said thing that would happen would be a good thing. But that is a relative adjective, and there is no one way to determine if something is good or bad, helpful or dangerous. The idea in waiting for something to happen is to accept what is unknown, and to acknowledge the lack of control we have in our lives. I suppose you could put a label on it and leave it to God, or fate, or time, but none of those three things are guaranteed either. If one is unhappy now, they may be unhappy forever, or something may shift. And the idea that “that something” exists is enough for me to stay curious, and stay waiting. 

Stay patient!